• The Feminist Times

"Being a girl these things should come to you naturally"



How many times have you heard people around you telling you that you should

behave in a certain way, a way that is feminine and a way that establishes you as a

woman of quality and decency. Things like “achi ladkiya itni jaban nai ladati”. “Achi

ladkia iss tarike ke kapde nahi pehanti”, “Achi ladkia sharab, cigarette nahi piti”, Achi

ladkiyan ye, achi ladkiya woh.

People usually have been either the perpetuators of such obligations of achi ladki or

have been at the receiving end of it, or have been silent when they witnessed

something like it.

Clearly being a woman of quality comes with its presets of terms and conditions,

especially on their physical behaviour.

And as if primordial sets of rules were not enough to barge in our physical

behaviour, there is a present set of rules telling women who they should be

cognitively, emotionally and psychologically. Something that is so intricately complex

and adaptive and changing almost everyday.

Have you ever been subjected to the phrases such as “kabhi khud soch lia karo ki kitchen ka kaam samet lu” or may be yourself have said to a woman, “ki yaar tuje khud soch lena chahiye tha ki ye toh tu hi karegi”, “tu baki ladkiyon ki tarah kyu nahi sochti”. The expectation that some things should come to us naturally because it has been the norm for a long time!

There are many of us who identify as women but sometimes what people expect

from us as a woman is often conflicting with our perception of who we are. A woman

is expected to be motherly, to be nurturing, to be homely, to be sacrificing, to be

selfless and also conventionally fair and beautiful, seductive but only to her partner,

submissive to almost everyone and the list goes on. To cut that short i can say

women are more socially and morally obliged to be a “certain type”. The conflict of

either to not be like the most girls or be like most girls.

A type that has been glorified by various forms of mass media. A space that

represented them from a specific male gaze. All this has collectively led to

patronizing a “kind” of woman who is adhering to these obligations.

Obligations, expectations or rules that have snatched their individuality from them

and compartmentalized their kind. Keeping their emotions, behaviour and psyche on

a measure tape that is expected to be identical and also suitable to their imagination

of ‘woman’. A measure tape that fails to represent the broad spectrum of

personalities a person can have, disregard to their sex or gender.

That is the state our women are living into. A state as pathetic and as sadist.

Now after reading this, any of you who believe that things are changing, it's just a

rant of a woman, women around are progressing which is all true but the

fundamentals of the society are yet too rooted likewise. Look around yourself and

ask women if there is anything they believe they were not expected to do in a certain

way just because of their gender.

-Deepanshi Hatwal


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