The Feminist Times
THE FAULT IN THE FRIENDZONE: LAMBISHING YOUR RIGHT OF SAYING NO
You meet a guy, you smile and introduce yourself, you treat him like you treat all
your friends. You know what I mean, like a human being. You start texting. You
keep being yourself and make an ordinary connection. The one all friends have, one which is emotionally supportive. One where you can talk about anything.
But then it happens, that one apocalyptic moment where he laughs and says
“Oh? You thought I considered you a friend? My bad! I’ve always seen you as a
potential girlfriend and nothing more”
You’re devastated. But you don’t have the right to be. Remember, all those hours
you spent being emotionally supportive. All those times when you went out of
your way to be a good friend, meant exactly this. That you were begging for it.
That’s right, don’t pretend that you weren’t asking for it.
Afterall, you can’t possibly be nice to someone that you don’t want a romantic or
sexual relationship with. That’s just not how nature works.
If you turn him down, he may never speak to you again. You’re hurt and you try
to distract yourself with movies but you’re quick to realize that there exists entire
movie tropes solely to cater to the male ego. Entire rants in scenes bashing you
and the fact that you’ve refused to date a guy even after he told you that he likes
you. Ah, the shame you’ve brought upon your family.
But fret not. It’s not you. The moment he met you he put you in the Girlfriend
Zone and now he would never look at you as a potential friend. It’s not you it’s
just your entire existence. Your gender. How you were brought up and how you
continue to believe in platonic relationships. Who put the preposterous idea in
your head that when you say you're a friend you’re just friends? God, this new
On a serious note none of my female friends who have happened to develop
feelings for a friend have ever complained about being in the friendzone, because
they understand and respect what it means when someone says no. If your
definition of being in the friendzone is “I was nice to her for two whole months,
now she owes me sex or a relationship” You sir, have never been nice or
respected women. It seems like you internalized misogyny so aggressively that
you constantly tend to victimize yourself in order to protect yourself from taking
responsibility for your actions.
For the ones in the back “Unrequited Love” and the “Friend Zone” are not the
same. “Unrequited Love” is loving someone and perhaps being sad if they don’t
love you back but still continuing to respect their existence. The “Friend Zone” is
you feeling like someone has wronged you just because they don’t love you back.
In a patriarchal society where your act of saying no as a woman is treated like
defiance. I hope you can foster in yourself the courage to say no when needed, be
it even in the most trivial of situations.
- Anam Danish