“ I have always believed in co – existing, in constantly questioning each other for what is unfair to you and to me – to him and to her – and this begins from home.”
When I say, life of an Indian woman at 30 --- it entails too many expectations and too many life stages with dos and don’ts. I am supposed to be married, which thankfully I am otherwise I would have been at the brunt of so many doubts; have a social life; have good set of friends; entertain mine as well as my husbands friends; I am suppose to be contributing to the lifestyle I wish to maintain monetarily, I am supposed to take care of my husband, my family, his family which is my family now, I am supposed to be an epitome of modern values and old traditions, have contemporary outlook towards life, and yet adhere to all social norms pertaining to my marital status; oh yes, produce babies too! I cannot have my political views, or well at least can’t express if it is my in-laws so as not to offend anyone; I can do whatever I want to do but make sure it doesn’t hurt sentiments of my husband; and in any case where I opt out of any of this or well fight for it, either I am a leftists or a feminist, is it?
I consider myself lucky, since I have a life partner who understands or at least attempts to understand almost 75% of the above chaos that is expected out of me. He cooks, he leaves me alone when I am menstruating, he doesn’t care if I adhere to rituals or not – in fact he asks me not to, he doesn’t want to interfere in my decisions of how I want to look or dress up. He says he will be happy if I decide to adopt a baby even happier if I conceive but then he isn’t sure if he can talk to his family about it, he leaves that on me to handle as I wish to. Does this mean he can be taken for granted or I am 100% lucky, well that is where the confusion stands – in this case people often say –
Anupriya, you are lucky, okay, but then what about Vibhor? For a husband to be like this, he needs a wife of the same temperament too right? For a wife to be able to become a feminist, she needs need men around her to be her supporters right? Where do we stand with this is what often I think about.
Anupriya Agarwal
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